Finding my way through Boundaries, Self Love and Support.
For years I couldn't see it. How I surrounded myself with friends who did not fully support me. Stuck in a pattern/cycle of trying to please everyone else; I forgot about myself. And the day I decided to begin doing the things that made me happy I had no idea the ripple it was creating. The friends I would lose; and how it shifted my entire life; realizing how much I gained from putting myself first.
Well let’s start at the beginning. Did I even know what supportive people where? Nope. I did not. That's ok; because even though I did not have an example of this in my early years, I came to the discovery of lack of, in a way I will never forget. I could feel it when I realized I was not happy in my life. I recognized I was not doing the things that made my heart soar. I was holding back, to fit in and losing myself in the process.
One step at a time I made changes. And ya know what shocked me the most about the impact of making changes? How others around me took it all so personally. As if it had everything to do with them. And it was everything to do with me. As if all of the sudden, in voicing my needs I was asking for something insane.
One if the first steps to my happier life was finally enrolling in the music lessons I've been daydreaming about. So I rented a flute, enrolled in lessons and stepped into my joy. I received much support from hubby, especially since he is also a musician. Though at this point it had been over a decade that I touched an instrument. When I told a girlfriend about the new adventure she laughed, and said “you can’t play instruments!” Can you believe it!
The next thing I did was begin my yoga practice, that’s when things really began to snowball into a higher vibration. I naturally wanted to make healthier choices within many aspects of my life. I decided that I was no longer enjoying partying every Saturday night. Sleeping in until noon was wasting my Sunday, and some days I was too hungover to get off the couch. Enough is enough. So I began staying sober and going home early. Haha. That was an interesting reaction from friends. Every time I tried to leave early, I would hear the same song and dance of guilt, “Why don’t you want to hang out with me?” “Party pooper.” and many other silly things…….
Then I soon stopped going altogether. If they were going to peer pressure me into doing something I don’t want to do, why am I even there?
Why do the humans who don’t support my needs receive the label of friends?
Why am I investing time, love and energy into something that is now simply out of alignment?
And then my very close girlfriend shocked me weeks after no longer partying every sat night with the gals.
She had an ‘intervention’. Yep I said it. But wait until you hear her version intervention. Her very words rocked me to my core. And in that moment I knew our friendship had to be over. I loved her so much, but I love me as well. And I am worthy of the supportive friends I desire.
The moment she said “We have to have a serious talk; this is an intervention; my heart sank.” Oh shit, I thought, I’ve upset her. Then, as she began to flow, I was in disbelief:
Friend: “I think you are taking this yoga thing too seriously. Your not partying with us on sat nights, you don’t drink anymore, your being a stick in the mud. Your ignoring your friends.”
My response: “I don’t want to get drunk anymore, I want to enjoy my Sundays not hungover, I want to go on walks on Sunday with my husband. Why can’t we do other things than get drunk?”
“Your being no fun.”
Wow; there it was. So obvious. She was threatened because she was losing her partner in crime of unhealthy behavior; I was mirroring the changes she had been wanting to make and speaking of doing, but not taking action. My actions were reminding her of all of the false promises to herself. She was not mad at me, yet mad at herself. We often spoke of the changes we were going to make to create the lives we desire and I was now stepping in this direction in a big way.
People often fear change. Especially when it effects them. Who would be her new go to drinking buddy? Someone who would be ok with her blackout drunk behavior. And within this ‘intervention’ she unknowingly invited me to fully stand in my truth and let her know that I was not going to stop improving my life. In that moment I could have went into old behavior and tried to please her. But no more. I was finally taking care of me; supporting all aspects of self in very deep ways. The evolution of this journey was going to either be accepted, or move out the way. She did not like what I had to say and that's ok.
I stepped out of the way and removed myself from this relationship. It was not easy, I considered her a sister. Yet boundaries where an important part of my wellness.
So I stepped in.
In all the way.
I showed myself how much I loved myself.
How much I respect my growth and happiness.
This every energy rippled into many other aspects of my life. Deepening the conversations with the heart and setting boundaries became a theme for that year. I began showing all those around me how I wanted to be treated and that I do not accept unsupportive behavior. In return I was open to learning about what this looked like for those I loved around me. Shifting my dialogue, and behavior to be in full support of support. Refining how it flowed through the heart. And showing others that I am open to learning how they too can feel supported.
If you can relate and find yourself in an unsupportive relationship of any kind, dive deep into your wisdom. Go through the layers and ask yourself what's underneath it all. What lessons is your soul calling into your awareness? Dive so deep into yourself that the truth sets you free. Devote yourself to loving all aspects of your journey, finding joy within it all.
Are you looking for a supportive container in which to grow? Stepping into greater clarity? Perhaps your a heartfelt soul, feeling the call to serve others with your beautiful medicine. I’d love to connect, I love working with soul’s who are ready to step into the fire. Emerge from the ashes as you fully integrate aligned action into your everyday life. Live within your fullest potential with full clarity and balance; experiencing the depths of your souls medicine. After a phase of deep transformation, the pulse of rebirth is felt throughout every cell.
If this calls to you let’s connect, for a complimentary call.
Love Natalie Parsons
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